Idiot Friends
by gobalbucs
Summary: Sirius and James are idiots and best friends, there's no doubt about that, and at dinner times in the Great Hall on Full Moon nights, Sirius and James purposely exploit this in order to help Remus relieve his stress and anxiety about his upcoming transformations. So what are they getting up to this time?


**A/N: Heya Fellas! Lady Fellas!**

**I kinda don't want to add an author's note because this is exactly 1350 words but... I want to, so...**

**Anyway, I know I should be working on _Marauders and the Prisoner of Azkaban _(and I am), but I also had this song in my head for a long time and I thought it would be really fitting for James and Sirius :)**

**So this is my attempt at pure humor, even though I've shamelessly stolen the song from that episode of Spongebob where Spongebob and Sandy are reading about Spongebob's Great-Great-Great-Great... Great-Great Grandfather during the times of the Old West, which now leads me to say that this fic is HEAVILY based upon that song, which as you probably know by now, IS NOT MINE. In fact, NOTHING you see here is mine (except for quite possibly, the plot idea XD).**

**So anyway, hope you enjoy!**

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Idiot Friends

It was a Saturday evening and everyone had converged in the Great Hall for dinner. Dumbledore and the staff members were chuckling at some unknown joke, the Slytherins were boasting about their families and how many muggles they managed to eradicate so far this year, the Hufflepuffs were giggling amongst each other about how a certain handsome, popular male couple was found snogging each other's faces off in the broom cupboard on the fourth floor by the statue of a one eyed witch, the Ravenclaws were discussing complex wizarding and magic theories, and the Gryffindors were throwing food at one another and just being general nuisances.

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were staring expectantly at the other two marauders in their gang- James and Sirius, waiting for them to begin what has become tradition at dinner time in the Great Hall every night of the full moon.

After experiencing the trauma that is Remus Lupin's life as a teenage werewolf, or at least being there first hand to witness it, back in their fifth year after their first successful animagus transformation, the two black haired nuisances decided to do something else for their lupine friend. Apparently, just being able to turn into animals to keep Remus company was not enough; as they knew that the werewolf was always apprehensive to the point of paranoia about his upcoming transformation. So, in an effort to appease the lycanthrope's frenzied mind, they decided to make even bigger nuisances of themselves than before. But not by being bigoted, arrogant arses, oh no, not like that, but by doing what Remus himself loves doing on occasion- making themselves look like _idiots_.

Not they don't do that on a regular basis already, but on these evenings, they believed that having Remus laugh at them without having to feel bad about it would loosen him up for the upcoming transformation, or at least take his mind off of it for a while.

Even Remus would be hard pressed to deny that it _worked like a charm_. Haha.

Anyway. Thirty minutes into dinner and James and Sirius both looked to one another in unspoken agreement that now was the time to begin the show!

The two dark haired boys clamored up onto the table and transfigured microphones from glasses, dimmed the candle lights (eliciting much protest from the students and staff), and created spotlights to shine down upon the both of them.

"Hey everybody!" Sirius shouted into his mic, doing a rather terrible impression of an old western accent. "It's good to be here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" The students, recognizing this outburst as the preliminary introduction to a spectacular performance by none other than Sirius Dashing Black and James Popular Potter, burst into cheers and applause. The teachers on the other hand, were not quite as enthusiastic, but clapped lightly nonetheless. They knew for what and for whom this was really for, so they let them have their fun.

Sirius and James were both wearing attire that looked absolutely _dreadful_- mismatched apparel; white tub tops splattered with light brown colored, unknown substances, baggy ripped and faded jeans that hung so low on their hips (no belts), that they looked to be in danger of falling down around their ankles, one white sneaker with a black sock on one foot, and one black converse and one white sock on the other, and dark red bandanas wrapped tightly around their heads. Their faces and hair were sprinkled and matted with dirt and grime.

"We've got a real special show for ya'll tonight!" Sirius continued. "Featuring my best pal," he pointed to James, who was grinning madly with his eyes crossed and his tongue lolling out. "_This Guy_! He's an Idiot!" The crowd cheered louder and James turned to Sirius.

"Soooo, what are we gunna sing about, Sir-ius?" James asked, also in a horrible old western accent.

"We're gunna sing a song about _friends_!" Sirius answered, grinning out over the laughing crowd.

"What _kind_ of friends, Sir-ius?" James asked, contorting his face back into its "Idiot Pose." The crowd laughed and cheered them on, just as anxious to know as James.

"Well, listen up and I'll tell ya!" Sirius waved his wand and old western style piano music filled the Great Hall. "_Who's there for you when you are sad and down_?" Sirius sang obnoxiously, still in the old western accent.

"Me!" James answered, jumping up and waving his arms around like baby bird trying to take flight.

"_Idiot Friends!_" Both James and Sirius shouted. Then James turned to Sirius, hauled him up against his chest, and started slapping his face.

"_Who picks you up and slaps you all around?_" James sang gleefully. Putting Sirius down, they both danced and chanted, "_Idiot Friends!_"

"_Who puts spells on you, so you can save the town?_" Sirius sang, winking at James and looking back out over the audience.

"_Idiot Friends! Idiot Friends!_" James chanted, and then Sirius joined in, "_Idiot Frieeennnds!"_

"_Da, da da da, doo da doo doh doh!" _James blathered, crossing his eyes and showing his teeth.

"_Idiot Friends!_" They sang again.

"_Da dee da da, doo, da da da!" _

"_Idiot Friends!_"

"_Dee da da, doodle, da dohhh!" _ James then turned away from their hysterical audience and looked at Sirius with an inquisitive frown. "You know, Sirius? All we've been doin' is singin' about what I've done for _you_. Well, what have you done for _me_?"

At that moment, Severus Snape, having grown tired of the two marauders' antics, came sneaking up behind James and he yanked down his pants. The audience gasped while Snape laughed manically and then muttered something about, "that wouldn't have happened were he to be a _normal_, _decent_ human being and wear a belt but since he's a lousy, good-for-nothing Gryffindork, he could never possibly _hope_ to even _understand_ what it is to be a regular functioning individual."

Sirius shot Severus a menacing glare before turning to smile at James and pull his best mate's pants back up. "_Whoo helps you pick yer pants up off the ground?_" James beamed at his best friend.

"Thanks buddy!"

"Curses!" Snape spat, being levitated away from them with his arms crossed and his face sneering with contempt by Sirius, who dropped him unceremoniously onto the Slytherin table face first into Lucius Malfoy's plate of pickled plums.

"Only an Idiot Friend would do _that_!" James observed out loud, clapping Sirius on his shoulder.

"Let's bring it home, Idiot Friend!" Sirius shouted jovially, throwing an arm around his mate's shoulders.

"O-kay!" James agreed. Both of them returned their attention to the crowd, smiling like utter buffoons.

"_Whoo lets you ride on his broomstick?_" Sirius sang.

"_Who slaps you hard with a brick?_" James sang.

"_What do you and me have in common?_" Sirius sang and then James joined in, "_W__e're Idddioooott! Frieeennnddss!"_

With the show concluded, the crowd went wild, cheering at the top of their lungs and clapping until their hands were sore, and most everyone was laughing their butts off. The piano music came to an end and the spotlights dissipated as the candles started burning again.

"Thank you, thank you very much!" said Sirius as he and James hopped off the table and back into their seats. They were delighted to be faced with a laughing Remus and Peter, but mostly Remus because that's who this whole performance was for after all.

"You enjoyed that, I take it?" Sirius asked, grinning madly at the werewolf.

Remus chuckled and responded with mirth, "Of _course_ I did! Anytime you two idiots make fools of yourselves is always enjoyable!"

"Uh uh _uh_, Remus!" James tutted. "That's, you two _Idiot Friends_!" Remus rolled his eyes affectionately as Sirius complimented James on the comeback and high fived him. The two animagi were glad that they were once again successful in their efforts to make their good friend forget about his monthly ailment, if at least for a short while.

Yup, tonight was going to be a _great_ transformation, at least as great as it could get anyway.

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**A/N****: Soooo... did I succeed at making humor? Please let me know honestly. After all, I'll never get better at this if you guys don't tell me anything! Then I keep uploading crap and you guys get irritated and then don't read anything of mine and then I don't get ANY reviews or alerts or etc., and then I get sad :(**

**AND THEN! I don't upload any more new chapters of _Marauders and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ because I've lost all self esteem where writing is concerned (after all, that one is also a humor story, even if it doesn't say so in the description box). **

**SO LET ME KNOW HOW I DID! If I did bad, tell me what I can do to fix it. I can appreciate honesty, really :)**

**Review please! :D**


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